I have nothing to write about today, because thankfully we’re having a boring pregnancy. We’re a week away from our due date, and things are fine.
I can’t call anyone, because they immediately think I’m calling them to say the baby’s due. I called my parents on their cell phone (which I do quite regularly) and they pulled over and made plans to turn around and go home just because I called. I ended up screaming into the phone that Terry WASN’T in labor. So most of Brooklyn heard me, but somehow my parents seemed to be in DEFCON 5, heading for the airport or something. I got them calmed down. But now when I talk to them, the first thing I say is “Terry’s not in labor!”
I called my brother late at night (which I do quite regularly) and he announced to the bar that Terry was in labor and he should he come to Brooklyn? No, not yet. She’s fine. Fine.
People from all over the United States call every day, and I have nothing new to tell them except that Terry’s fine. If I really want to get adventurous, I’ll tell them that not only is Terry still going to work, she’s walking every day. Which is apparently a shocker. Terry goes crazy that I tell them is such a salacious way, but it’s all I’ve got.
I feel bad for depressing people who call, but I sometimes I get the feeling that they’re worried about being left out of the birth notice. My evil twin part of me sometimes wants to say “Oh, the baby? We had Ronan two weeks ago. Didn’t we tell you?” except they would feel bad and Terry would so kick my ass if she heard me saying that.
The other part of that is the need for doctors and others to know absolutely that I will be there for whatever meeting or appointment they have scheduled. I’m in eye therapy for staring at my computer so much over the past ten years. My eyes aren’t working to together; it’s possible they hate each other. So every week I go and play video games and read Calvin and Hobbes wearing weird glasses that make my eyes work together. I left yesterday and said, “If the baby comes, I won’t be here next week.” Which made everyone in the room stop and look at me funny. What? You’re going to choose the birth of your baby over eye therapy?
People who have no tolerance for your upcoming baby: Utilities workers. I’m trying to have cable come before the baby arrives, and getting Time Warner cable to meet a deadline is like parting the Red Sea – you’ve heard it’s been done, but only with a close relationship with God. First, you have to explain your wife is pregnant; then you have to explain she’s due next week; then you have to explain why this week is really best; then you have to wait until someone explains that to a supervisor. Then start the whole process over again. I guess that’s par for a company that came last week, removed one part of our cable installation and is scheduled this week to bring it back.
So all scheduling for the next few weeks is with the caveat “if the baby doesn’t come that day.” Because you don’t want to leave people hanging. We’re developing contact lists based on the day of the week and which appointments we have to cancel.
Yet with only a week to go, there are a million things to do. Some of them are trivial; some of them are really important. If someone could look at my list and tell me which will end up being trivial and which are important, I’d really be grateful!